Lavender and Laughter

Journaling

2009-12-28T11:16:00.003-06:00

The lights on my gloriously cheerful Christmas tree have just blown a fuse for the second time. Perhaps God is easing my disappointment in taking it down now that Christmas is over. I love it and could leave it up forever! I've just been drinking some chai tea (I really wanted Holiday tea...but used it up weeks ago), eating a chocolate and peanut butter truffle, and reading A Legacy of Love by Ruth Graham. This morning I was a little "shook-up". As I tried to bundle up my fussy toddler so that I could run to the grocery store (not something I enjoy), I realized that I had left his boots-expensive boots-at the mall yesterday when I was changing his diaper. And, trust me, that trip to the mall was not worth my toddler's boots!

Christmas always makes me feel like I'm on emotional steroids. So much joy and grief bundled together. I rejoice in the salvation given to me, and cry over a family full of unbelievers who are suffering so terribly-even for unbelievers. I love the gifts I give and receive and feel totally at a loss in how to truly show the love of Christ. I'm overwhelmed by God's grace and disappointed in my failure to live righteously.

Back to my original thought: I am sitting by my fire and reading my book, and it was like honey to a sore thoat! To read about the sweet joy and peace and humor that Ruth Graham shared with her children in the midst of heartaches, and to see the wonderful habits she had and the godly legacy she left gives me a bright standard! It was her example of journaling-her love for writing-that inspired me to write today. I'd really given up on writing in the last couple years...but I think I'll try again!

I've found the crazy mixture of wonderful things and horrible things in life fascinating lately. I want to learn to respond to it all with the purity of God. I may try to write about it more...but for now, my son is waking up!

Christmas in the Air

2009-11-30T14:14:00.003-06:00

2009-10-15T13:39:00.004-05:00

1 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,

bless his holy name!

2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits,

3 who forgives all your iniquity,

who heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

5 who satisfies you with good

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The Lord works righteousness

and justice for all who are oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,

his acts to the people of Israel.

8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

9 He will not always chide,

nor will he keep his anger forever.

10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,

nor repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

13 As a father shows compassion to his children,

so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

14 For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass;

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

and its place knows it no more.

17 But the steadfast love of the Lord

is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,

and his righteousness to children's children,

18 to those who keep his covenantand remember to do his commandments.

19 The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,

and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Bless the Lord, O you his angels,

you mighty ones who do his word,

obeying the voice of his word!

21 Bless the Lord, all his hosts,

his ministers, who do his will!

22 Bless the Lord, all his works,

in all places of his dominion.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

"The More I Seek YOU"

2009-09-28T11:34:00.004-05:00

The more I seek You

The more I find You

The more I love You

I wanna sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hand

Lay back against You and breath

Feel Your heartbeat

This love is so deep

It's more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace

It's overwhelming
song by Kari Jobe

Rabbits for a change

2009-07-02T20:28:00.001-05:00

I couldn't resist...

2009-05-19T10:39:00.000-05:00

Soulful Longing

2009-05-19T10:16:00.003-05:00

I have a deep soul-longing to be God's beloved. The sweetness of this is that, although my faith can't fathom it very well, God has already embraced me as His. The creeping, dark doubts that tell me how hugely I fail, cannot and will not have victory over His purpose for my life. Whether I'm crushed to produce a sweet aroma, or raised up to shine like a city on a hill, I will seek Him with my soul. I will relentlessly look for Him to be the meaning of my life. And I know He will make me what I am not.

There is a great sadness for some of my family, because they are waiting to embrace Jesus once He makes sense to them. It breaks my heart, because it will never make sense until they embrace Him. Faith takes the step before it has the answer. And only faith will satisfy their souls.

May God increase and satisfy my yearning for Him to be close to me. And-as Ruth Graham said-may I be all that is loveliness and laughter.

My Darling so Sober

2009-05-01T15:39:00.003-05:00

Following Hard After God

2009-04-29T09:19:00.002-05:00

"We have been snared in the coils of a spurious logic which insists that if we have found Him we need no more seek Him. This is set before us as the last word in orthodoxy, and it is taken for granted that no Bible-taught Christian ever believed otherwise. Thus the whole testimony of the worshipping, seeking, singing Church on that subject is crisply set aside. The experiential heart-theology of a grand army of fragrant saints is rejected in favor of a smug interpretation of Scripture which would certainly have sounded strange to an Augustine, a Rutherford or a Brainerd.

In the midst of this great chill there are some, I rejoice to acknowledge, who will not be content with shallow logic. They will admit the force of the argument, and then turn away with tears to hunt some lonely place and pray, 'O God, show me thy glory.' They want to taste, to touch with their hearts, to see with their inner eyes the wonder that is God.

I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer

God Still Answers Prayer

2009-04-20T10:58:00.002-05:00

"One of the excuses we offr for our lack of faith is the old cliche, 'God helps those who help themselves.'
Rather, God helps those who trust Him to solve their problems.
My own experience substantiates the evidence of Scripture that our actions in any given situation are more important to God than our thoughts or intellectual belief.
Jesus was not being facetious when He said that even faith of the mustard-seed variety can win great things from God.
The greatest answers to prayer in our family have come at times when our faith was so small as almost to expect the worst.
Until we took hands off and really turned the problem over to God, He could not help us.

Do we trust God enough to put the ultimates of life-the things affecting health, life, and death, basic economic needs-into his hands?
If we do, that-in God's eyes-is faith, and He will always honor it."

From an article in Presbyterian Life, by Peter Marshal

A Man Called Peter by Catherine Marshall

The Patter of Water

2009-04-14T11:18:00.003-05:00

The sound of a trickling fountain has always soothed me. Outside. Inside. At the mall. It really doesn't matter where. But how about in my sitting room? This is the result of a husband who takes joy in his imaginative wife's whims. I am now calling this room my sactuary. Of course, I use the term loosely. I mean that it is a room to retreat to and put all thoughts and worries aside in order to rest in the love of Christ. I need rest right now...I need Christ's love. I need retreat from the throughts and stresses and anxieties that can beat me to pieces.

A sanctuary doesn't change anything, though. Whether I'm sitting in my darling little water-trickling room or in a surgeon's clinic....only Jesus gives rest. In my laziness, I wish that He would force it on me...so I wouldn't have to wrestle against my human-nature. I confess: my human nature wallows. And my naughty imagination tells me I'd be okay if I could just ramble in a breathtaking, sun-filled, bird-singing, countryside...secluded from all city-life. (Who doesn't want that?)

I am only "under the influence" of my own choices. And I must choose now-as I sit in my sanctuary-to place my soul in the peace of God. I must believe...and believe that God will help my unbelief. That is my part. And His part is everything my soul needs.

A stroll by Saylorville Lake

2009-03-27T09:32:00.002-05:00

What has to be...

2009-03-05T08:26:00.002-06:00

"The stone is only a stone until its heart is broken and the air has a chance to get in. The Christian convert is only a principle until he lets God have His way with him and breaks his heart, if that has to be. Anything, in order to rip open the hardness and let God in! When the air has filled the fissures, then the stone is no longer a pebble. It is a gem, a precious opal, a stone of fire."

Stones of Fire by Isobel Kuhn

Robins in My Pear Tree

2009-03-05T08:22:00.001-06:00

You know what this means?!!!

Oh So Convicting

2009-02-26T15:23:00.002-06:00

"We must not woolgather. Many believers know nothing of mental discipline. Day and night their thoughts flow on uninterruptedly. They never concentrate, but just let their imaginations roam hither and thither till their minds accumulate such a mass of matter that they can take in nothing more. When people talk to them they cannot follow what is being said, but can only follow the train of their own thoughts and talk of the things that are preoccupying them. It is essential that we learn to quieten our minds so that we can hear and take in what is being said to us."

The Normal Christian Worker by Watchman Nee

What are little boys made of?

2009-02-26T15:10:00.003-06:00

Hmmm...wiggle worms!

I have been thinking this week: how confident I was about raising children before Cedric was born. Ha! God has a sense of humor...and isn't it so typical of humanity to always have the answer when we don't have the experience! I'm already learning that my darling, busy, wiggly-giggly little charmer is a handful. He has already learned exactly how to get my attention, and he's tricky! I am apalled to realize that I'm not so sure how I'll break his power over me, after all. I say all this with a smile-because he's so cute-and I might as well enjoy it while it's cute, because it won't stay that way!

I'm still crafty (and cunning...)

2009-02-26T14:58:00.002-06:00

Mom picked up a funny little white basket with a pink and white ceramic bunny from Salvation Army...and here it is now! I will confess that when I saw it I wondered if it would be worth the $3 she paid for it. But after a trip to Michaels and a little paint job, I would use it in my own house! Mom suggested I pick up cheap stuff and fix it up and sell it at boutique shops...I'd sure love to. I'm so insecure, though...just too timid to try to talk to shop owners about it. But I must say I'd pay good money for that basket if I was looking for some Easter decor to spring things up! I just love fixing things like that...it's the artist in me. If only I had an outlet and a little extra cash :)

Stars

2009-02-12T14:10:00.004-06:00

you should see the stars tonight

how they shimmer shine so bright

against the black they look so white

comin down from such a height

to reach me now, reach me now

you should see the moon in flight

cuttin cross the misty night

softly dancin in sunshine

reflections of this light

reach me now, you reach me now

and how could such a thing

shine its light on me

and make everything beautiful again

and you should feel the sun in spring

comin out after a rain

suddenly all is green

sunshine on everything

i can feel it now, i feel you now

and how could such a thing

shine its light on me

and make everything beautiful

and you should hear the angels sing

all gathered round their King

more beautiful than you could dream

i've been quietly listening

you can hear 'em now, i hear em now

and how could such a King

shine His light on me

and make everything beautiful

and i wanna shine

i wanna be light

i wanna tell you it'll be alright

and i wanna shine and i wanna fly

just to tell you now

it'll be alright, it'll be alright

it'll be alright.

cus i got nothing of my own to give to you

but this light that shines on me shines on you

and makes everything beautiful, again.

it'll be alright, it'll be alright.

David Crowder Band

My Whimsy

2009-02-09T11:22:00.003-06:00

Sink my teeth into...

2009-02-05T11:15:00.003-06:00

...this big slice of colby cheese I just cut for myself. I like the texture of cheese. And I really just needed to sink my teeth into something.

This morning I met with some women for prayer. I'll be honest: I really didn't want to go this time. I love those women...I just didn't have any words to pray. That sounds horrible, I know, but perhaps I'm weary. Nothing is coming out of my head or heart right now.

The wonderful thing is that for times like these, when I feel speechless, God still isn't. He reminds me of strength to run and not grow weary; of a Holy Spirit who tells Him of my inner turmoil; of the many, many ways He has and will deliver me. What a dear God and what a wonderful Savior. I've been reminded of His desire to be my "Daddy" and of His mercy when I mess up.

I read a book this week and I think I wish I hadn't. It was a sweet book (a true story) of a woman who God gave a dream to become a writer-to write beautiful things that would make people smile. She grew up and got married and had children and gave up the dream...or forgot it? Anyway, a part of her died inside and it took years before she finally realized that she had ignored something important God had given her. And as God gave back her dream...she discovered a joy and fulfillment beyond anything she'd known in years.

I'm not sure if it's the dream part or the writing part that bothered me. Well, either way, I need to buck up and clean my house and eat some more food and find an excuse to drive somewhere (I've been in the house too much this week and definitely have spring fever).

Divine Burning

2009-01-18T18:41:00.002-06:00

"He will shake heaven and earth, that only the unshakable may remain: He is a consuming fire, that only that which cannot be consumed may stand forth eternal. It is the nature of God, so terribly pure that it destroys all that is not pure as fire, which demands like purity in our worship. He will have purity. It is not that the fire will burn us if we do not worship thus; yea, will go on burning within us after all that is foreign to it has yielded to its force, no longer with pain and consuming, but as the highest consciousness of life, the presence of God." -George MacDonald

George MacDonald An Anthology by C.S. Lewis

An inspiring challenge:

2009-01-16T17:15:00.001-06:00

"Reformation is an icy path which cowards prefer to have well beaten by others before they venture out on it. But sincerity is made of better metal. It is like a true traveler - no weather gets bad enough to stop him after he has determined to make the trip. And the upright man does not stand around looking for loopholes or letting discouragement fester, but takes his orders from God's Word."

The Christian in Complete Armor by Gurnall

I Spy...

2009-01-16T13:34:00.006-06:00

......a sweet little bunny in a garden of ivy!

The winter weather has been everything one imagines winter weather to be: snow upon snow and blustering cold. I hear a lot of wishes for warmth now. But I am honestly rather enjoying it. I feel this mixture of savoring winter and anticipating spring (which is such a long time away). I guess I prefer a white weathery winter to a brown mucky one and don't want to spend my time pining for the future...it comes and goes too furiously fast. Of course, I am indulging in some spring fever stuff...like replanting my pots (oops, I mean repotting my plants) and pulling out flowery china to use. I also still have a small Christmas tree lit up in the livingroom...what can I say...I just want a little bit of everything! I have definitely been couped up in my house a little too much this week due to the below zero temps (I hate to take Cedric out in them if I don't have to), but I'm trying to keep myself motivated with baking, laundry, reading, letter writing, etc. And obviously, I can't resist my sweet little pumpkin when he calls for attention!

This bittersweet life has my head spinning. I'm loving it, I'm struggling through it, I'm failing, I'm finding victory. It's fascinating and dull at the same time. I do wish I was a glorious author right now...because I feel like I'd like to say so much about life and about my dear Savior who is refining this princess-and-the-pauper heart of mine.

Wrapping presents is exhausting!

2008-12-19T13:14:00.001-06:00

Over the hills and through the woods...

2008-12-08T15:26:00.005-06:00

...to my house Grandma comes!

We had holiday tea and gingerbread cookies

and just oogled over Cedric.

How fun is that?

if only time would slow down

2008-12-08T11:07:00.002-06:00

I can hardly believe my little darling is already over 2 months old and wearing 3 month clothes! He is such a joy...even his "bad" moments are special to me. I almost feel guilty admitting this, but my favorite time of the day is when Cedric has his bath and I get to dress him up. I always did like to dress up my dolls...this one just happens to wiggle a lot more while I'm doing it! Of course, I still have those moments of emotional distress due to huge changes in my life...but truly I am even more overwhelmed by God's grace to me than I was when He sent Luke along. Somehow, I never really believed that I would get to raise my own beautiful babies. I don't know why...maybe I just didn't let myself hope for something that amazing. I'm amazed!

Christmas Blues...

2008-12-07T19:24:00.002-06:00

Cookies are great...but I want to open my presents!!! Okay, I'm kidding (sortof). I love and need Christ a lot more than a few wrapped boxes of stuff :) I wish I could bring you all to my cozy house right now to enjoy tea and gingerbread cookies by the fire, surrounded by cheery Christmas decor! Somehow I have all these aspirations of having over so many friends...and seem to never be able to make the phone calls and make it happen. My little "miracle" is making me merrily scatterbrained.

Woo Hoo!

2008-11-30T20:55:00.002-06:00

It's been snowing all day! I thought it would show up in the picture, but I guess not. Isn't my kitchen Christmas tree darling?

Psalm 63

2008-11-25T18:01:00.000-06:00

1 O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
3 Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
4 So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5 My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
6 When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
7 For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
8 My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.
9 But those who seek my life to destroy it,
Will go into the depths of the earth.
10 They will be delivered over to the power of the sword;
They will be a prey for foxes.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him will glory,
For the mouths of those who speak lies will be stopped.

I've Been Dry Lately...God is Bigger

2008-11-25T17:48:00.003-06:00

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Till I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Hillsong United We Stand

If Cindy and Grandma can...so can I!

2008-11-22T16:49:00.002-06:00

A New, VERY Real Perspective

2008-11-13T10:01:00.002-06:00

Romans 8:18-25 (New American Standard Bible)
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."

The intensity of my labor has made this passage exciting for me! Now I understand the groanings of childbirth and the hope and perseverance for something that can't be seen. I'll admit, when I was delivering Cedric, all I could think about was how horrible the pain was...and I really didn't think I would ever be able to appreciate the "fruits of my labor". But I am finding more and more thrilling evidence of why God allowed women to experience such suffering...and I really think the Holy Spirit is teaching me a lot about my attitude and about distractions (distractions during childbirth are very taboo-so they should be in life).

I find it so fascinationg and overwhelming that in this passage, Paul says creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. That's us! I can't believe God would make us that special. I love His creation so much, and to think that the suffering of it will be alleviated in connection with the final glorification of mankind. My soul should long for this freedom with the same intensity as I longed to get my baby "out" 6 weeks ago.

I'm Ready and Waiting

2008-11-11T13:23:00.004-06:00

I am always ready for Christmas. In fact...Christmas music is year-round! What I really look forward to-besides family-is decorating. And I'm making myself wait. It's not easy! Small things are "accidentally" making an appearance: a tea cup, some ornaments, an evergreen swag, etc. I'm thinking right now about the thrill of waiting for the holidays...and feeling guilty that I don't usually have that same thrill for Christ's return...and even just for time with Him now. Am I really so unimaginative that I can't believe that everything about Christ is more exciting than one little holiday celebrating Him?

As I learn to anticipate (ready and waiting) an ever increasing closeness to Christ (and His return), I hope small things will also make their appearance in my life: Grace, wisdom, courage, etc.

---

On a side note, I met Grandma at a little cafe/boutique for coffee, and she bought this angel ornament for me! I love getting ornaments as gifts!

Surprised by Joy

2008-11-11T12:51:00.003-06:00

C. S. Lewis once wrote about being Surprised by Joy. That is how I'm experiencing life at the moment. There are lots of grueling ordeals (like washing out soiled diapers in the toilet), and sad moments, and even just times of boredom. But what keeps catching me are these little times of joy. It is a joy that I believe God gives to those who experience a more real sort of living...a living that is full of hope and faith. It means I know that God is watching over me-that He is watching over my tiny, beautiful baby who can't yet understand His love. It means I can catch my breath when I think about the seasons and when I think of Jesus understanding the throb in my heart for loved ones. It's the freedom to enjoy the coming holidays...because good things come from God...not the other way around!

But the challenge....for joy to not be surprising! I know God offers a joy that surpasses surprise. It wipes away the toil and sorrow and blahness of life, and it doesn't come and go. So as much as I enjoy surprises...I'd like to embrace Christ Himself to the extent that joy is expected.

A Little More Grace from God

2008-11-10T13:30:00.002-06:00

I should be cleaning the house right now in preparation for our small group tonight, but I need to write. A childhood friend took several hours to read my entire blog from start to finish, and then wrote me a letter to tell me how much she saw the grace of God in my life. Wow. I must say it set me to thinking. I, in turn, started reading my blog from the beginning. I haven't forgotten what God has brought me through, but I do forget the sweet excitement of it all!

I really do need to get to work. But as soon as I can, I plan on writing more about this...because I want to regain the fresh outlook of such a blessed life.

Random and Rickety

2008-11-01T12:22:00.003-05:00

I bought this chair for $2 back when I was in college (probably 5 or 6 years ago). I was so sure that it had been thrown away long ago...but to my surprise, Mom saved it for me! So I'm enjoying a very random and rickety chair garnishing my front porch!

Bittersweet

2008-11-01T12:16:00.004-05:00

Can you believe this stuff is real?

Drum Roll, Please!

2008-11-01T12:00:00.002-05:00

We finally got our trees and our sod. So the landscaping is done...and I look forward to planting lots of flowers in the spring!

Happy Halloween...

2008-10-30T15:32:00.003-05:00

BOO!

Goodbye, Lake House

2008-10-27T10:52:00.004-05:00

My in-laws sold the Lake House this week. It has been surprisingly hard for me to say goodbye to it. I know life has to change...just like Cedric can't stay a cute little newborn. So it's okay. My mother-in-law brought me some things from the house... at least I have a few keepsakes: a little Christmas tree from our bedroom, a plant and jar of soap and a bouey from our bathroom, and a sweet quilt.

The Lake House has a lot of memories for me:
Luke proposed to me
Our honeymoon
My first Christmas with Luke's family
The first time I met Luke's Grandma Ellgren
And lots of fun times boating, fishing, and just having fun

It was a great getaway! I'm thankful that we aren't cramped in a little apartment now...so the need to escape doesn't come as often. It was a special place-something better than I deserved. And I must say I'm glad it is just a place...we haven't sold the memories or the people we love!

Is it okay if I get addicted to coffee right now???

2008-10-27T10:40:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I'm really tired...and really want coffee about three times a day (morning, afternoon, and evening). The wind got up to about 60 mph yesterday...and I was scared to death that our brand new trees might blow over. They didn't, although the maple leaves are all dead now (they were soooo pretty, and I didn't get a picture). Cedric has decided that if he's not sleeping, he's not happy. I'm not sure why...but when he wakes up he fusses a lot, maybe just because he wants to be held constantly. So I'm letting him sleep probably more than I should...but how else can I get anything done around the house? Luke and I had some bad news yesterday as well. So, overall, yesterday was a rough day. But the Lord is good, and I am constantly thinking about how much He loves me and Cedric. So I am choosing not to worry, but instead to just make it one day at a time with my eyes fixed on Jesus. Pray for us, nevertheless. It seems that we are under either a spiritual attack, or perhaps just experiencing "refining fire". I don't want to be discouraged...and hormones are against me!

Cedric misses Nanna

2008-10-22T19:44:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday, Nanna!

Becoming Mommy

2008-10-19T19:48:00.006-05:00

Well, the scoop is that this has all been much harder than I expected. Labor was incredibly intense and actually scary. I went from my water breaking to second stage labor in an hour and a half...and by the time I arrived at the hospital, I was dilated to 12! So of course, we all thought the baby would be out in no time at all. What "messed" everything up was my inability to retain anything I ate or drank (I threw up absolutely everything and anything during my entire labor). So by the time they realized that I was seriously dehydrated, my contractions had slowed down and my veins were so shrivelled that it took them a long time to get an IV hooked up. They induced my labor to bring back the contractions and Cedric's rather large head stayed lodged behind my smaller than average pelvis for a long time. I'll let you figure out what else the large head meant for my body. Let's just say it took a specialist an hour to sew me up. And to top things off, I lost so much blood that I couldn't even sit up in bed for 2 days.

After a blood transfusion and extra time in the hospital, I finally got to bring my little bundle of everything (joy, pain, hard work, etc.) home! I had Luke and mom to take care of me for a week, while Cedric and I tearfully compromised on nursing...and I fought mastitis!

The day I brought (pushed, rather) this baby into the world, God was taking my beloved Grandpa out of this world. And what keeps getting me, is that both of us-in our intense suffering-were crying the exact same words: "Lord, help me". I could not think beyond that prayer, and neither could Grandpa.

It seemed so unfair to me that I had to mourn Grandpa and celebrate Cedric at the same time. I still have a hard time with it. Every week closer to the due date, I would think...Grandpa's gonna make it...and I'll get to introduce my little one to him! Today I took Cedric to visit Grandma. We listened to cowboy music, and I just wanted to see Grandpa in his recliner, bouncing his cowboy boots to the songs. I want so bad to play harmonica with him. And if only Cedric could have made him smile.

But I'm trying to be thankful, too. Because, in all the pain, Grandma was able to hold a beautiful new baby in her arms the very day she had to say goodbye to her husband of 65 years. I guess God did this for her. And so I'm okay with it.

Nursing has been a little more consistant the last 2 days. I'm up at night about every 2 hours...but am just thankful he's on a schedule of sorts. I love him more every day! And the Lord has made me sing through all of this (I haven't been much of a singer in the last few years). Luke has been an amazing strength and support for me...I can't imagine what I'd have done without him. And we've had our funny moments, like when he woke me up in the night because I was burping him...dreaming that I was burping the baby!

I'm still in pain...but trust that everything is healing regardless. Life is so unpredictable. And I guess that's better.

Cedric Luke Strahan

2008-10-17T17:32:00.002-05:00

Drastic Life Change: October 5, 3:05 PM

5 Days to Go!

2008-10-03T09:15:00.004-05:00

I'm so excited to meet this baby in my tummy. It's unreal that he could come at any time now! Whenever his foot is pushing up...I feel it and think about putting him in sweet little clothes and wrapping him up warm. I've got the diaper bag ready to go and another bag packed for me (it's a bit hard packing for something you've never done before). Luke sold his car this week and got me a Ford Focus to fit the baby and all his stuff in...I definitely like having 4 doors! We spent a couple hours getting the cars cleaned up and setting up the car seat and stroller last night.

These last few weeks have been full of ups and downs for me. At times I've been so uncomfortable that I just thought I'd die if the baby didn't come early. Then Luke got sick and I was afraid he'd be miserable during my labor...a big deal because I'm doing it all naturally with a midwife, and really look forward to support from Luke. Well, I was so discouraged about him being sick that I didn't even think about the possibility of catching it myself. And sick I am! I have a terrible head cold, which is just taking its good old time. It was a big disappointment when I first realized I was catching Luke's cold. But the Lord has soothed my distress, and I feel quite peaceful about everything.

So, I'm drinking raspberry leaf tea for a good labor and cold tea to kick the cold, and just waiting. My life is about to change; I'm thrilled and scared...and believe God will do special things in my heart through this time.

I also can't wait to have Mom and Dad come stay with me for a few days!

Will I Ever Stop?

2008-10-03T08:52:00.005-05:00

Uh, probably not. I like "playing house." I've been decorating since I can remember. And I'm afraid the urge just keeps popping up. Here are a few fun pics.

My friend took this rusty star off her house and gave it to me (junk or treasure!). I've discovered that mums will root and continue to grow in a vase of water...how fun is that! I painted this basket...very sloppily...to use on the front porch. The logs make me excited to have a fire this winter, and the bush is called a Chokeberry and is next to our garage.

Painting up a mess!

2008-09-24T10:22:00.002-05:00

I haven't painted since I got pregnant...but I'm at it again!

Last Look at Tummy

2008-09-16T17:10:00.002-05:00

This is the last picture I am taking of my tummy. I know, I haven't exactly kept you updated on it...but...for some reason this pregnancy has just flown by. I'm due in exactly 3 weeks...and seriously this baby grows fast! I mean seriously. I'd be perfectly satisfied if he would just come today. Or even tomorrow. But, alas, I can't make him. I want to know what color his eyes are...and his hair. I'm not sure I want to know how big he is :P

So I have my cloth diapers all ordered, and plenty of little clothes for the first few months (my sister made me this wonderful baby laundry detergent and I've already washed and hung up all his clothes and blankets!). There are only a few things left that I need, and I would be fine without them if I had to be. So who wants to guess how soon a baby picture will appear on this blog? Please do not guess anything beyond 5 weeks...because if he hasn't come by them, I will be drinking caster oil.

A Day of Little Things

2008-09-16T17:00:00.003-05:00

For some reason, today seems like a nice day, even though I did get lost in southern Des Moines for quite a while (and Luke's phone was off...figures) after an appointment with my midwife! I picked up several mouse paintings I had framed (including the above). And since I had to pick up toilet paper at the store, I figured, why not make it worth while? So I got a lemon and a lime, too! The pears in the bowl are my little expression of excitement over the coming of fall...I always get anxious to decorate every time I feel a new season coming. Of course, they won't last because we love to eat pears!

Grandma's

2008-09-14T17:04:00.002-05:00

Her apple tree is so beautiful!

HURRAY for real neighbors!!!

2008-09-13T16:46:00.002-05:00

My next door neighbors just brought me this beautiful apple pie (with apples from their mom's own trees) to introduce themselves. I just love it! Oh boy this baby is going to be big :(

My Sister's Tree

2008-09-12T17:06:00.002-05:00

Jenny did this amazing piece of artwork and I have yet to get it framed, but just wanted to share it! The entire picture is made out of little circles.

Laundry Detergent Creativity

2008-09-11T16:09:00.003-05:00

I've really enjoyed learning how to make my own laundry detergent...it saves so much money and is good on clothes. In this very materialistic and wealthy lifestyle, I find it incredibly satisfying to do what I can to save in the small areas. It's sortof like learning to cook good food instead of eating at restaurants...it just feels better. I thought this could even be a cute gift idea (assuming the person on the receiving end appreciates home-made...)

"Showers" of baby stuff...

2008-09-09T17:17:00.005-05:00

Last week the ladies at church had a baby shower for me and I'm sooo excited about my little guy! I can't believe I'm already 9 months pregnant. I'm definitely feeling it, and even the stairs are starting to seem intimidating. But, the end is so worth all this :)

A Glimpse of Our House

2008-08-17T17:41:00.002-05:00

Two Years

2008-07-26T11:30:00.002-05:00

Although technically our anniversary is this Tuesday, we are celebrating this weekend to avoid the crazy stressful packing, cleaning, moving craze. I can only say that these last two years have been the very happiest years of my life, and I still sometimes think I'll wake up from this dream of being married to such a wonderful man. The picture is a little hard to decipher...it's of my big belly!

Time Goes So FAST

2008-07-19T09:52:00.002-05:00

Wow. Less than two weeks and I'll be unpacking everything in my new house. It's sortof unreal. And my little guy is growing so strong! I can push on his little feet or bottom and he'll move around...I'm falling in love!

The house has turned out as charming as I could have wished for. I'm trying to make myself do some packing every day...but so far I've only accomplished filling 5 rather small boxes. I just hate packing!!! I want to unpack!

Today I'm supposed to go pick out what I want for our landscaping...and I'll be honest...I don't really feel like doing it! I know...that's crazy because I love gardens and trees and everything. But I think I just am tired of decisions...but I know that if I don't pick out stuff I like, I might end up with something I don't. So, hopefully it'll be fun once I get going. I also get to pick out two trees for our back yard...now that I'm excited about.

Jonathan, Cecelia (his wife), their baby, and Jenny are all coming out today and will be visiting for just two days. I'm excited to have Jenny around for a day. We're going to go to Gong Fu Tea. And I don't really know what else we'll do, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it!

I could jibber on about more random stuff like the above, but really, I don't think it's so terribly interesting anyway. I'll have pictures in two weeks!

Big and over 3 Months to go!

2008-07-02T08:45:00.002-05:00

It's a little fuzzy...kindof hard taking a picture of myself!

Elephants...who would've guessed!

2008-07-01T10:17:00.002-05:00

Guilt: True or False

2008-07-01T10:06:00.002-05:00

I've been stuck on a guilt trip. It's my beautiful house. My growing baby. My sweet husband. My easy life. Especially the house, though. It's so beautiful...so fun...so much nicer than anything I ever imagined having. And the truth is, I can't quite just thoroughly enjoy it as a blessing from God. I sometimes wonder if it will be more of a stumbling block than a blessing. Will I become too materialistic? Will it keep my family and friends at arm's length? I want so bad to be pure and to be un-infected by the world's standard of "the good life". Yet it just seems to fall in my lap, and what do I do with it? My whole life hasn't been this way. I certainly had my hard times....my broken cars and looming bills and difficult living situations and miserable jobs. But it's like that all got wiped away when I married Luke. Now, I am wondering how I can serve God effectively and love my family and friends so thoroughly that they do not feel the weight of my "things" and my "life". Oh, please pray for me that I won't drown in the stuff of the world. I don't want to be just a wife and a mommy. I don't want to be defined by a nice house and happy little family. I want to be a servant of God...something way bigger than comfortable Christianity.

Luke 11:13

2008-07-01T09:59:00.002-05:00

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"

This verse is just what I needed today. I long to be more empowered by the Spirit. And the truth is, sometimes I just don't think it's working. But this verse is a PROMISE. It's from Jesus' own mouth. How can I question it? And that also reminds me that those I love who are seeking for faith in Jesus and the Holy Spirit will not be disappointed:

"because of his (or her) persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. And I say to you, ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it shall be opened." (verses 8-10)

My Famous Kitchen Stool

2008-07-01T09:53:00.002-05:00

My feet always hurt when I'm working in the kitchen, so I finally found a cute little stool to sit on! The fun part is that when I purchased it (from a very cool antique shop in Des Moines' East Village), the lady told me it had just returned from a photo shoot for Meredith Publishing. So if you happen to see it in one of their home magazines, let me know!

Frightfully Stormy

2008-06-26T08:02:00.002-05:00

I seem to have trouble keeping up on my blog...but it's storming outside and if I don't do a little blogging...I will be asleep in 5 minutes. I'm tired. Luke and I have been pouring our energy into VBS this week-and I must say, being pregnant, I don't have much energy to pour! I can't believe how big my tummy is and neither can anyone else...every day someone tells me that I look REALLY pregnant...like 8 months instead of 6. So now I really wonder what I'll look like at 8 months! This week has begun the phase of aching hips (an indication that they are spreading...which is a good thing, but painful). Oh, and have I mentioned that I'm like 20 degrees warmer than everyone else? Okay, that may be a bit of exageration...but seriously, I'm so hot all the time that I am starting to think constantly about air conditioning in my new house!

The house is coming along. We are hoping to move in 6 weeks. I'm so excited...and a little burned out thinking about it. We finalized our exterior colors, and inside, all the woodwork is being done (trim, stairs, cabinets, etc). My mother-in-law and I finally picked out some sweet baby bedding from Pottery Barn...and I wish I could set it up and see how it looks! It has elephants on it...not what I would have predicted...but very cute. And I got a beautiful rod-iron crib...that was definitely predictable!

I have this friend, Sharran, who I get together with to drink tea and talk about life and literature every once in a while. She always sends me home with such fun things...and yesterday she gave me a couple sarongs. She showed me how to wear them so that they can't come off and also can't get thrown open...and they really make very cute skirts for casual summer days. I think everyone should wear them...they're quite flattering actually (I always did like long skirts on girls).
'
I guess that's kindof it right now. I'm trying to find ways to meet the needs of other women...and not just get caught up in plans for house and baby. Yesterday, after almost 3 years, I finally worked up the courage to go downstairs and invite the neighbor to come have tea or coffee with me some time. She said she doesn't drink either......uh.....hmmm...I just thought everyone would drink one or the other. So I feel a little stupid for inviting her up for water. LOL. Come on, God, I could use a little help here!

There is a Mourning Dove singing on my Air Conditioner!

2008-05-29T08:06:00.002-05:00

It's kindof sweet, actually...although I might change my mind if it were 90 degrees outside and I wanted to use it. I'm feeling much less stressed right now because I got some things done last night. I took a shower...always a good place for me to focus on talking to God. Then, even though it was late, I began cleaning the apartment. I got everything put away, dusted, and the bathroom cleaned (even the tub scrubbed!). So this morning I only need to vacuum, take the trash out, and comet the kitchen sink. Then I can make some tea and spend some time reading my Bible-something I spent a lot of time praying about in the shower last night. I also prayed for extra time and energy to excercise-REALLY IMPORTANT-we'll see how that goes. I'm hoping that I can really get into a healthy routine (something I haven't had since I got pregnant)...and it includes simple things like getting the dinner dishes washed and put away after dinner...not the next morning! At 9:30 there is supposed to be an apartment inspection. WHAT'S THAT? I'm curious if it will be a city inspection-checking smoke detectors and such-or whether it will be by the apartment management. The latter is what makes me nervous. Granted, my apartment has to be by far the most clean and beautiful one in the complex, but I did definitely break all the rules. The nasty dark brown fake wood kitchen cabinets have been painted, and we hung curtains over the terribly ugly and half broken windows. Well, I can only hope that they are blown away by how nice it all looks...and that'll be the end of it.

I always like thinking about pretty things...I don't know if it's the girl in me, or the artist. But right now, I've been enjoying how nice my new ivy plant looks in the cream McCoy planter...and have also been thrilled with my wedding quilt-just out of the closet for the summer!

I guess I better get on to my cleaning...if I want God to fulfill His part in helping me, I better fulfill mine in not procrastinating-right?

And My House is Growing too!

2008-05-28T18:40:00.002-05:00

I already am in love with that window seat...we're putting little sconce lights in it! And I've really had fun picking out colors for the house-who knows which ones I'll end up with! I meant to take pictures when the house was still being framed, but I never got around to it. So, this will have to be my "before" picture. I can't wait for the "after".

The Flowers are growing....

2008-05-28T18:37:00.001-05:00

SO IS MY BELLY!

Spring Flings

2008-05-15T11:17:00.002-05:00

I'm having so much fun this week! Along with the shocks (like...no twins) come all kinds of new ideas and fun projects....I'm thinking about my house and my baby room of course. And I put this cheery vintage red, blue, and yellow tablecloth on my kitchen table where I have been drinking ice tea and reading and writing (I'm not supposed to be leaning back anymore, to make sure the baby turns). I finally gave in and bought some Haeger planters that I've had my eye on for a year...and I repotted some plants and made banana bread last night. Mom and Grandma came for lunch yesterday...and even though it was spontaneous...it was fun; I came up with ice tea, toasted egg salad sandwiches, tomatoes slices, and carrots: not too bad if I do say so myself!

I've decided to stick with my 2 vintage wooden folding chairs for the kitchen, and will try to find two more! I've also decided to stick with light blue in the baby room...but with a tree theme and forest animals...not so many girly bunnies :) Jenny gave me this amazing tree print that she made (a process she learned of dipping a metal sheet in acid and scratching a picture into it...then dipping it in ink and rolling it onto paper like a press).

Luke and I had a couple over last night for fun, and played poker...which I hopelessly lost, although technically I won at the end (only because Luke got me to put everything in and then no one had any good cards!) Anyway, I seem to have a lot of time on my hands right now, and am wanting sooooo bad to do all my shopping for my baby and my new house...but I'll try to not go overboard until I actually have a house to put it all in!

It's a boy!

2008-05-14T13:46:00.003-05:00

After an early ultrasound due to a concern that I might be carrying twins.....i'm feeling like this will all be a breeze! I'm almost exactly half way through, feeling great, and thinking about a baby Luke :) This little guy was so busy in my tummy that the doctor couldn't get a clear picture!

Another Week

2008-05-03T18:22:00.004-05:00

Luke said I could stay another week, bless his heart! So Mom and I are making more plans :) The baby clothes are from Spain...and of course, I'm hoping to use them...now I just need to decide whether I should have a boy or a girl! Isn't the outfit with the bonnet and booties precious? And the weird wooden thing is my new potato masher that will actually be used for pounding meat. The quilt and basket and bowls are things I'm going to put in my laundry room-just for fun! And that cool handmade frame: I want to put a mirror in it and use it in our guest bathroom! The baby shoes were mom's as a baby...and I just think they're sweet. Oh yes, and the books are my beloved set of Dickens which I plan to bring back to Iowa with me...I love Dickens! It's all just stuff stuff stuff...but fun fun fun. And yes, I'm beginning to miss Luke like CRAZY.

Michigan all Week

2008-05-01T19:43:00.002-05:00

I wish I had brought my camera with me to Michigan. I've been making a quilt with mom (I hate to say it...but she did all the sewing; I just cut and ironed and picked out colors). I bought an old antique potato masher to pound my meat with, and an old basket to put in my laundry room at my new house. And mom saved a box full of beautiful baby clothes from all her babies...so I'm excited to go through them with her. It's too bad I don't know whether my tummy's male or female yet :) I'll know in three weeks. Not much else to tell, I'm just having fun with mom!

Feeling Good

2008-04-25T13:12:00.003-05:00

I'm finally feeling good again...well, actually I have a cold, but that doesn't seem like much after months of morning sickness! My ultrasound has been scheduled-so I'll have gender news in just a few weeks...I can't wait! Tomorrow I'm going to Michigan to spend a week with Mom. I'm very excited to hang out with her, but I have such a hard time leaving Luke. He's the best thing that ever happened to me-and I always get this nervous thought about something happening to one of us while we're apart. Silly, I know. I think I must be in love :P I'm hoping the majority of our house will be framed by the time I get back.

I guess I don't really have any more news. I thank God for bringing me out of the pregnant "zone" that I seemed stuck in for the last couple months! Now I can be a normal, cheerful, active person again!

I think a bird is making its nest in my air conditioner right now!

Yay for Warm Sunny Days!

2008-04-14T14:34:00.003-05:00

Not that I don't like spring storms, but I'm rather excited for some warm temperatures. I'm still waiting for that "I feel the best I've ever felt in my life" moment that is supposed to come 2nd Trimester...but at least I know I'll have a special little life-changing package at the end of it all! I haven't had much interest in decorating or working in my apartment lately...simply because all my brain power has been spent imagining the fun I'll have decorating a house this fall...poor neglected apartment. I'll confess, I've felt a little bit like the apostles: beat up and thrown in prison. Three months is quite a long time to be sick and tired. But I'll share some verses that encouraged me today...and I actually read them in my special, old King James Bible that was mom's years ago. So, hope you can interpret Old English okay.

Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory; recieving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

Growing out

2008-04-10T19:36:00.002-05:00

I'm beginning the stretch cream phase of pregnancy...and wish I could find the perfect (cheap and cute) maternity clothing store-no luck yet.

And one more thing....

2008-04-10T19:31:00.004-05:00

I really love the bedspread and shams...but the reviews are iffy. Does anyone know a reason why I don't want a Chenille bedspread?

Things that have caught my eye!

2008-04-08T08:09:00.005-05:00

April Showers...

2008-04-03T12:24:00.002-05:00

I know I've been so bad at keeping this blog updated. Truth is, I don't have anything new to say really. Life has just been life since I found out I was pregnant....you know: some throwing up, nausia, queesiness, tired, etc. Fortunately, I'll be into my 2nd trimester next week, which means I should start feeling a lot better. I almost lost Grandma and Grandpa last month, and it's been a lot of work and waiting and watching, but they seem more stable now, although they need a lot of care. I definitely struggled with my changed status at Grandma's, as others have stepped in to meet needs there. But I'm glad it has given the family a chance to come together and be an encouragement to each other. Our house has been coming along slowly because of all the precipitation...but we do have a basement :) I have been busy with family visiting, midwife appointments, excercising, church ministries, Grandma, and just a million little things. I guess I'm actually feeling a little numb right now...like I know I am so blessed and I love Jesus Christ so much, but I can't seem to make my emotions and attitude quite connect with that truth right now. I think being pregnant makes me feel overwhelmed and I'm just sortof in a "zone". Well, I'm quite sure the Lord will pop me back out of that zone...and the sooner the better!

Luke has been a dream! He cooks breakfast for me (the midwife says I need to eat more protein and start gaining weight). He rubs my sore back every morning. He does everything I have to do so that it won't be as hard for me. What a sweetie :)

Oh, let's see: Jenny visited a few weeks ago and we had a wonderful time! Mom was able to take a break from caring for gma and gpa last week and she came to my apartment and we made soap. Luke is teaching me to play the drums...we practice every Wednesday before youth group. And I got to hear my baby for the first time this week! I guess those have been my highlights in the last month or so. Yikes, and I better stop gabbing because I still need to finish my laundry, get groceries, read a bunch of pregnancy info, and work out at the gym. I hope everyone who reads this is looking to Christ and finding joy and peace in His presense...I'm trying to :)

Expecting.....

2008-03-03T08:08:00.002-06:00

Okay, for any faithful blog readers (I think there are maybe one or two :) who don't already know: I'm eating for two, sick in the mornings, growing in the middle, etc. If you don't get it, I'm sooooo not gonna tell you.

Anyway, not feeling the greatest physically; but feeling blessed beyond measure...the Lord has looked upon me with favor!

Air

2008-02-23T16:53:00.002-06:00

Oh man, I feel like I really need some fresh air right now. Would I be crazy if I opened my apartment window in 30 degree weather? I suppose I ought to go for a walk, but there's nowhere to walk to and no one to walk with (Luke is gone today). Hmmm...I think I'm getting cabin fever. I got my March/April issue of Victoria today...and it's full of gardens!!!

Spring Things

2008-02-19T07:53:00.005-06:00

My beautiful tulips from Luke! I'm working really hard to make them last as long as possible!

And here is a picture of my first framed mouse! I drew her especially for me!

7 Random Things for Joanna (Eighth Street)

2008-02-15T15:26:00.003-06:00

Hmmm,

I'm obsessed with big trees, I rarely read articles in my magazines (just look at the pictures), I like chocolate frosting on saltine crackers, I'm most excited that I'll have a little window seat in my new house, I hate any type of loud noise, my plants are my pets, and I still collect charms for my mom's old charm bracelet.

Texas

2008-02-15T15:12:00.003-06:00

Our trip to Texas was fun...we spent three relaxing days at the ocean (where Luke played guitar and I read). Then we visited the river walk and Alamo in San Antonio for one day. Finally we headed to Dallas and I saw my great-Aunt June (who I hadn't seen in about 10 years). I'm glad to be home after driving well over 2,000 miles.

What I want for my birthday!

2008-02-15T14:35:00.002-06:00

Hurray for the end of January

2008-02-03T19:13:00.000-06:00

I'm glad January is over. I just don't like it...no holidays and no nice weather. Not much going on here. Luke built me a cupboard, which I painted. I finally picked out robin's egg blue pillows for the livingroom. My paperwhites that I started from bulbs bloomed! And I cleaned my kitchen sink really really well.

Next week Luke and I are going to Texas for a little fresh air. I am going to visit my great-aunt while there, and we're going to go to the ocean (cheap rates because it's their off-season). We're also getting ready to build a house...whoa crazy, huh! I'm still in shock with that one.

I'm also getting my first mouse picture framed...for some reason that's a big deal to me!

Oh, and I'm finally working out at a gym. I'm memorizing the book of Philippians while I run on the eliptical...and am about half-way through the first chapter. Spiritual and physical excercise!

A Picture in Poetry (by me!)

2008-01-04T09:03:00.000-06:00

Winter white

adorned with diamond

and fur

and the snow bird leaving

scratchings outside window;

Evergreens make a fantasy

where deer dream

and birches sigh

boots crunch

breath dances a waltz.

But the heart...

it longs for another world

colors drip in dew

emerald shines through fog

opera of robins

as sleep is shed

and the soul is warmed

by a longer sun.

I admit it...

2008-01-03T13:55:00.001-06:00

I'm a little forlorn today. I have had such a wonderful time with family, I am finding myself a bit lonely and unmotivated. I prayed and read some, took a nap, practiced calligraphy, had tea and cookies, watched Miss Potter...and am feeling envious of my mom and sister who are at home together knitting and watching movies!

Well, I am sure I can't complain...it is pretty wonderful to be able to sit at home and be as artsy and creative as I feel like...with all the time in the world. I think I'd better put on some bubbly music and reorganize my closets!

What I really start thinking about after Christmas is flowers! Pink and yellow roses, Lilly of the Valley, Lilacs, Peonies, Hollyhocks, Daisies, Apple Blossoms.... I just love them all. I always imagine myself in a sweet little home just showered with sweet flowers and trees and trickling fountains. I think I'll plan on covering my arm chair with a springy slip cover, make some pillows for the couches, and maybe even a quilt if I am brave enough! Perhaps I'll talk Jenny into doing a still life painting of some flowers for me, too!

Well, this fills another slow hour for me...I guess I'll go work on those closets!

Christmas is finally over...

2008-01-02T09:24:00.000-06:00

Since I've been married, my Christmas experience has expanded from one to five celebrations. But it's finally all over. And although I love for the holiday to last as long as possible, I am happy to have things settle into routine again. Christmas in Michigan was absolutely wonderful. I think the two in-laws (mine and Jonathan's) added to all the fun and festivity of it. Now I'm ready to go to a gym and lose some of this weight that I've "found".

Of course, I've cleaned things up and made the apartment look Januaryish. I asked Luke's opinion of how I decorated the top of the entertainment center, and his reply: "You'll just change it again next week anyway!" He's right, obviously.

I left a few of my favorite gifts out to enjoy...and I took pictures of them for you to see! The Wellingtons are from Luke. I've always wanted to have a pair of Wellies...they make me more Brittish! Mom knit the stockings, Jenny painted the still-lifes, and my mother-in-law found first edition Potter books for me! The sterling spoons are old family pieces; mom shared a few of them with me so I can use them for the glorious tea party that I'll have some day.

My New Nativity...how appropriate!

2007-12-20T14:12:00.000-06:00

Christmas

2007-12-17T09:20:00.000-06:00

Well, I have to tell you, we couldn't wait any longer. I was going mad looking at my presents under the tree every day. So we opened them. What can I say?

Going back in time!

2007-12-07T16:02:00.000-06:00

Some of my favorite family photos!

I SOOOO think this is cute!

2007-11-30T18:34:00.000-06:00

The Stillmeadow Road

2007-11-30T12:00:00.000-06:00

"Too many people, I think, are what I call No people. It's a habit which grows like Jack's beanstalk, so that if you even say it is cold, they say at once, "No, it isn't cold. It's just the wind." It's a habit I thoroughly dislike, not that I mind being called wrong on every count, but it is fatiguing. I'm tempted to do the contradicting myself first, just to see what would happen. It usually belongs to people, I note, who cannot bear to be contradicted themselves at all."
-Gladys Taber's The Stillmeadow Road

I Married a Man

2007-11-14T10:05:00.000-06:00

I realized yesterday that I married a man when he came home from work with a subwoofer the size of a milk crate and hooked it up to the TV.

Definition of a man: somebody who enjoys anything bulky and ugly that plugs in and makes noise.

Angels in Action

2007-11-12T08:27:00.000-06:00

Sunday morning. The worship music is in full swing. It's a new song that Luke wrote--and it's praising God. Most of the time I struggle to focus during the music. But, today I'm thinking of God's glory--of the entire world praising Him. I'm praying, "Lord, I want this song to glorify you with mighty power."

I hear a joyful, audible clapping as of hundreds--and it makes my heart swell. Looking around, I see only others like me...just quietly singing. NO ONE IS CLAPPING. I look again to make sure. Nothing. If only I could hear it again, it was so beautiful.

It was angels. I'm sure. God opened my ears for just two seconds to the spiritual world in our own little gym. And in those two seconds I was shown a glimpse of the glory God was receiving. It really was so beautiful.

I asked Luke, after church, if there was any clapping or any technical noises during the song....just to make sure that I wasn't totally misinterpreting the experience. I'm usually the cynic when it comes to visions or "spiritual experiences". He said there wasn't.

This isn't something that I believe will encourage any of my readers. In fact, I struggle a little bit with sharing it. But it is something that has filled me with a sense of wonder and joy as I remember that the spiritual world is a bigger reality than the physical, and that God will recieve the glory, whether we give it to Him or not.

And I just wanted to share my joy. Let's slow down a bit and remember Truth.

Worthy is the Lamb

That was slain for us all

Holy is the Lamb

That was slain for us all

We sing glory, hallelujah

He reigns

I wish...

2007-11-12T08:25:00.000-06:00

that I could play music on my blog. That would be fun...and you would always know what kind of mood I'm in!

Walking in the Air

2007-11-08T14:04:00.000-06:00

We're walking in the air

We're floating in the moonlit sky

The people far below are sleeping as we fly

I'm holding very tight

I'm riding in the midnight blue

I'm finding I can fly so high above with you

Far across the world

The villages go by like trees

The rivers and the hills

The forest and the streams

Children gaze open mouth

Taken by suprise

Nobody down below believes their eyes

We're surfing in the air

We're swimming in the frozen sky

We're drifting over icy mountains floating by

Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep

Arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep

We're walking in the air

We're floating in the midnight sky

And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly

Walking in the Air by Howard Blake

Victoria Magazine is back!

2007-11-07T14:34:00.001-06:00

Hmmm...this is right up there with my Tea Time magazine...and my subscription is ended. Oh dear.

For My Portfolio

2007-11-07T11:36:00.000-06:00

Tea and Thoughts

2007-11-05T09:08:00.000-06:00

I can't write without a cup of tea or coffee. How funny is that? I'm so full of thoughts and not so sure if I'll be able to put them fluently on this post...but I just might explode if I don't write...just to feel the refreshing click of the keys and drink my masala chai tea with purpose.

I am learning and growing so much, and I wish I could just sweep up all my loved ones and carry them on this journey with me. How can I express all that I desire and bring sufficient glory to God? I cannot...so I beg you to sense the work of our mighty God in my life as I express my small things.

I'm finally learning to lay down my life for others. It's excrutiating, and exhilerating, terrifying, and thrilling. And, it's definitely one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned...truly a battle each day. I must tell you, I often don't choose to fight it. It's ever so much easier to fight for myself...to seek earthly prizes such as beauty and time and money and comfort. But slowly, like each drip of Chinese torture, the Holy Spirit increases my soul's awareness of self...and imprisonment in that great cell. And with each painful drip, my wings of freedom grow stronger. Don't we long for that freedom from indulgent self, and yet carry a paralyzing fear of it through all things? I do, and pray God to conquer the fear each time it arises...it's still very potent.

Jesus is the prize. Do I want it? Wouldn't I rather have the prize of a beautiful heaven, or a perfect marriage, or even a successful Christian life? Ironic isn't it. It seems that in the name of Jesus, we seek prizes apart from Him. And until I realized this...I would have been sorely disappointed in the reality of it. Perhaps my vibrant imagination makes it easier for me to love Jesus and want Him, only Him...for that is what we are supposed to want. But in our humanity...Jesus is a two-thousand year old icon of all that we seek and love. Even as we are called to love a great many things, we are also called to love only Jesus. When it hit me that I was seeking the wrong prizes (and still do very easily), I opened up Matthew and began to read slowly and very very carefully...for who is the Jesus that I am supposed to want above anything else? My wings gain yet a little more strength to fly as I begin to see the answer!

My next little thought: how deeply I nurture my doubts and discouragements and "self needs". Discouragement has to be one of the greatest detriments to Christianity...and one of the most accepted. I have incredibly strong habits of wavering emotions and feelings. And I am convicted that this is not a testimony to Christ...but of my unbelief in His ability to bring me peace and joy. And if that is true...I serve a very weak Christ. My awareness has been awakened to how completely I have been taken in by the lie that it is okay to be grumpy, hormonal, depressed, distressed, anxious, cynicle, or any list of discouragements...as long as I have an excuse for it! But how opposite that is to our Biblical example. We have NO excuse if Jesus is our future. And we have no right to claim Christ as ours if we are not going to act like it makes a difference.

I cannot say all this without making reference to my marriage. Marriage has made me so aware of my misconceptions and even lies I believe. Some of you who know me well, know that I adore my husband so totally and have had such a great fear of "messing up", that I have constantly tried to find ways to make sure that he would never feel hurt or lost love or any excuse to be less tender towards me. After a year of clinging and focusing on Luke and on "us" and on messing up a lot, I am finally getting my answer. My answer is that it isn't about Luke, it isn't about "us", it isn't about our sweet, tender marriage. It's about people, about Christ, about sacrifice. And the more I give up my own dreams and ideals and solutions, the more I bring my husband joy and honor...and the more he responds! And one critical thing I have learned, is that I absolutely must focus on others. I cannot afford to sit at home in loneliness and dwell on myself...for that is my very invitation to believe dark lies. Some of you will say that you do not have anybody to focus on. That is not true. If you have a neighbor or a relative or a single mom at church, you have someone to reach out to. And take it from a very shy person, you can find the courage to make that introduction and phone call.

Can I be terribly risky here? I really want to encourage some of my friends (who hopefully will read this). I have been praying for you...and I just want you to know.

JoyAnna, I am praying that you will find unwavering peace and joy in Christ, and that His love and fulfillment will fill every crevice of your beautiful, passionate soul. I love you dear!

Sara, I am praying that you will choose to find joy in all things, that you will have the confidence to be an incredibly godly wife, and that you will seek for those who need your wisdom and encouragement...I believe they are waiting for you.

Luke, I just love you! And I'm praying that you will grow ever stronger in the power of God.

Jenny, I am waiting for God to set your heart on fire. And I can't begin to express my excitement for what will happen when He does!

Mama, a lot of women are watching you and learning from you. I pray that God will "increase your harvest" and that you will have unexplainable joy!

Having a little Halloween Fun

2007-10-29T08:49:00.001-05:00

Afternoon Tea

2007-10-01T13:37:00.001-05:00