Becoming Mommy

Well, the scoop is that this has all been much harder than I expected. Labor was incredibly intense and actually scary. I went from my water breaking to second stage labor in an hour and a half...and by the time I arrived at the hospital, I was dilated to 12! So of course, we all thought the baby would be out in no time at all. What "messed" everything up was my inability to retain anything I ate or drank (I threw up absolutely everything and anything during my entire labor). So by the time they realized that I was seriously dehydrated, my contractions had slowed down and my veins were so shrivelled that it took them a long time to get an IV hooked up. They induced my labor to bring back the contractions and Cedric's rather large head stayed lodged behind my smaller than average pelvis for a long time. I'll let you figure out what else the large head meant for my body. Let's just say it took a specialist an hour to sew me up. And to top things off, I lost so much blood that I couldn't even sit up in bed for 2 days.

After a blood transfusion and extra time in the hospital, I finally got to bring my little bundle of everything (joy, pain, hard work, etc.) home! I had Luke and mom to take care of me for a week, while Cedric and I tearfully compromised on nursing...and I fought mastitis!

The day I brought (pushed, rather) this baby into the world, God was taking my beloved Grandpa out of this world. And what keeps getting me, is that both of us-in our intense suffering-were crying the exact same words: "Lord, help me". I could not think beyond that prayer, and neither could Grandpa.

It seemed so unfair to me that I had to mourn Grandpa and celebrate Cedric at the same time. I still have a hard time with it. Every week closer to the due date, I would think...Grandpa's gonna make it...and I'll get to introduce my little one to him! Today I took Cedric to visit Grandma. We listened to cowboy music, and I just wanted to see Grandpa in his recliner, bouncing his cowboy boots to the songs. I want so bad to play harmonica with him. And if only Cedric could have made him smile.

But I'm trying to be thankful, too. Because, in all the pain, Grandma was able to hold a beautiful new baby in her arms the very day she had to say goodbye to her husband of 65 years. I guess God did this for her. And so I'm okay with it.

Nursing has been a little more consistant the last 2 days. I'm up at night about every 2 hours...but am just thankful he's on a schedule of sorts. I love him more every day! And the Lord has made me sing through all of this (I haven't been much of a singer in the last few years). Luke has been an amazing strength and support for me...I can't imagine what I'd have done without him. And we've had our funny moments, like when he woke me up in the night because I was burping him...dreaming that I was burping the baby!

I'm still in pain...but trust that everything is healing regardless. Life is so unpredictable. And I guess that's better.