Lavender

I still love lavender. Lavender still makes me breath deeper. It makes me imagine beautiful things. It inspires me to write, to read, to relax, to be beautiful. Someday when I live in the country...I hope to have a large plot of just lavender. And each summer I'll pick some to put in the drawers with the linens. I still like laughter, too. Laughter is the most freeing emotion I have ever experienced (perhaps because I often take life too seriously). And, one more thing: I still drink tea out of china cups.

Woman all the way!

I am experiencing a whole new sensation as a soon-to-be-married woman. It's like I've graduated in my own mind to a new level of life....well I guess I have in a way. There are many aspects of regular adult life that I just never let myself enjoy before. For example: manicures. I just wasn't into them. And all of a sudden, I have an appointment for my second one (in my life...I know...that's pretty crazy). Another example...I'm going to a spa on Sunday and getting a massage. Crazy! I've got a collection of cute sexy clothes that I will actually be allowed to wear next week! And I look good in them! I guess it's like, because I'm doing all this work to have a wedding next week....I'm also allowing myself to be pampered in ways that I never would have before. And while part of me will always love the childhood mode of jumping out of bed and throwing on whatever is in the drawer because all that matters is getting outside to play...part of me is loving the spa and manicures and cute clothes and looking like a lady for my man (not the "stayed-up-to-late college student" that I usually look like).

I admit, I was always rather critical of the pampered woman with her gorgeous nails, perfect hair, chic clothes, and confidant air. Now I think I might enjoy being that woman--once in a while. Don't worry my friends, I am still my natural self...with undyed hair, little to no makeup and average body. But I'm having a little fun here! And what's more...it's extending to my kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and closets! I have glass bakeware now. I have new white towels and a change of sheets for the bed! It never occured to me that at any time in my life I would enjoy the things that I now enjoy. It's sortof like when you finally get the hang of college life and confidence takes complete control. I'm getting the hang of being a 24 year old woman who is about to start a new family.

I think the real "wake-up" came on Wednesday. I'd been feeling stress. I was losing sight of some of the glory of being a future bride. In truth, I just wanted the wedding over so that I could get back to a comfortable routine. I whined a little to Luke, then felt terribly guilty at work...what have I got to complain about? I had an appointment with my hairdresser for that evening to practice my hair for the wedding. So that gave me the idea. When Luke walked into my apartment at 8:30 that night...I met him at the door with my hair in curls and wearing a cute sundress. Candlelight filled the apartment, our favorite love song played in the background, and I had dessert and sparkling grape juice waiting. The tears in his eyes and the way he danced with me before I even said anything was like a punch in the stomach..."oh yeah, this is why I'm getting married!".

And friends, here is the shock of all shockers...I'm finally getting organized! I know, I'm a little late. I finally bought a notebook yesterday and organized my whole week up until the wedding...I have all my notes, lists, reminders, and appointments in one place (anyone who has seen the stacks of notes at my apartment and in my purse will know how significant this is!).

I even took a little time to be creative and do some scrapbooking last night. (okay, I admit, this does mean that something else important on my to-do-list did not get done last night-oops.)

How I wish you could all come to the wedding next week.

Shower!

Well, I've had my first shower. The picture is one of my future niece-in-laws (and flower girl) helping me open the gifts. It was a wonderful time and I was thrilled to have my grandma, aunt, and cousin there along with many of the ladies from my church. I must admit, though...I don't really care for being the center of attention. I think a big part of me will be really glad when everything's over and it's not about me anymore. I have never had so much cooking stuff in my life (and it is inspiring me to actually cook). So now, I'm trying to organize my kitchen so it won't feel stuffed, and have half my thank you cards done.

19 days and I'm constantly trying to keep myself calm and rational. If I let myself...I could really panic. But the truth is, there isn't really anything worth panicking over.

Wednesday after work, I leave with Luke for Michigan for three days. All I want to do is sit on the porch swing with a cup of coffee, listening to the birds and crickets. I want to be in my green bedroom with Mom and brainstorm life. I want to watch a silly movie with Dad and decorate the kitchen and rearrange my lonely doll house. I want to show Luke all my favorite spots. I just want to soak in home. It's been almost eight months, and in my opinion, way too long.