Smothered

Do you ever feel like Satan tries to smother you with a pillow as soon as you take a dangerous step of faith? That has been the last couple weeks for me. I have been really challenged to take this precious time God has given me to study His word and to work hard toward becoming a woman of God. I mean...I'm taking it very seriously, learning to take even hours to really get to the meaning of passages of Scripture and to really apply it...not just put it in my mind. I'm trying to hide it in my heart and fill myself up with it until it pours out. On the side...my thinking is also that I love my husband soooo much-and the best thing I can do for him is to know and love God better. Now comes the Satan part. Ever since I've started studying and praying with my whole heart-sacrificing time for it...it's like Satan is throwing in my face all my weakness...and LOTS of stupid little stumbling blocks. I'm even experiencing physical problems/pain that I haven't had for years....and it's miserable.

For the sake of not ending this on a note of misery, I'll share one cool thing. Last night as Luke and I were laying in bed, Luke all of a sudden got this terrible nausea and fever and thought he was going to throw up. Without him knowing it, I silently put my hand on his back and prayed that God would take it away...and almost immediately he feel asleep! So, Satan, BACK OFF.

Tagged

Five things you may not know about me...

1. I always dreamed of being an archaeologist. There is something so totally thrilling to me about digging things up...finding things that tell a story...that have been hidden for hundreds of years! In High School I used to get books from the library on amazing archaeological discoveries. I also used to bury things behind my garage in the hopes that hundreds of years from now, someone would discover them.

2. I'm scared of fast moving trains that are underground with lots of people on them.

3. I don't like anything that is loud.

4. Believe it or not, I miss working (just not enough to do it again, LOL)!

5. I don't like food. It's the weirdest thing...but I've never really enjoyed food that much. I always wished that we did not have to eat...and could therefore have all that time to do something else. The frustrating thing is that this peculiarity does not contribute to a desire to cook. I don't enjoy cooking very much. I am definitely learning to enjoy foods more, though, and hope that eventually I will be normal :)

To Stand Firm

Hey I'm back! There really is no excuse for my not blogging in the last few weeks...I was just being lazy.

I have been studying Ephesians 6 this week...and have been really challenged by what it means to "Stand firm in the Lord". Luke and I often discuss what it means to have faith. I mean...to really have faith: to bask in it, wear, walk in it, impersonate it-to believe in something so strongly that it effects everything one does or says or thinks.

I have a very dear friend who is in the Air Force. She got married two years ago, and has only been able to live with her husband on and off through that time because of military duties. She bore all that with a lot of grace, and now, she will be leaving for Iraq in a few weeks. And of course, she is experiencing all the emotions and fears...the fear of separation from her husband...the fear of damage to her marriage, the fear of never getting to start her own family, the fear that this war she is heading to will change all her dreams. And she still handles it with grace...with faith! She hopes to bring God's love to Iraq...to the soldiers, to the people. She faces her fear with the faith that God will always win in the end...that her life is His tool and she can choose peace rather than anger.

And here I sit in my cozy apartment....in my robe and slippers with a cup of tea. I'm not going anywhere. I don't fear separation from my husband. I do not have to face wicked men who want to kill me and my family and my country. And I am humbled deeply by Katie's faith. Tears are running down my cheeks as I think of Katie at the age of 10...when we first became friends...and how she has become one of the most godly, beautiful women that I know.

So back to Ephesians 6...I want to be a warrior. I want to fight in this invisible battle. I don't want to be the Christian who wastes my life and doesn't fight Satan. Many of you know how I love Lord of the Rings. I grew up on the books and it is a tradition to watch the movies at least once a year. If you are familiar with the story, you'll remember Eowyn: the princess who hides herself in armor and rides out to battle with the men...because she doesn't want to be left behind when the war is won or lost. Well, I know our war (spiritually speaking) will be won. I won't be left behind! I am a fighter...God made me a fighter from the get go...trials only push me to rise to the occasion. I have decided that the best way to strengthen myself right now is to learn God's Word...the Sword of the Spirit. I want to memorize, to meditate upon it, to hide it in my heart.

I want a faith like Katie's, that will stand firm when everything she holds dear is put to the test.