There are two of me!
I’m struggling to put myself together…
I want to “let my hair down”. I’m ready to step over the line and throw all sadness and mistrust behind. I’d like to hold my head back and feel free and joyful—to really believe that someone can manifest the love of God for me—and that I can be joyful and positive for the one fact that God loves me unconditionally. I want to love people fully and not care if they reject me. I would like to always see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m ready to be the baby that laughs and picks herself up again when she falls.
I feel like I have to hold back, to protect myself from people who are out to hurt. I cannot fully trust, and am just waiting for more betrayal. I don’t love fully because the love always gets sucked up and I get nothing back (I know…that’s selfish). If I let go…I will get burned, and will I be strong enough to honor Christ? I am a pessimist who knows how selfish we all really are.
I know I want to be passionate and love life, but I don’t know how to do it and be cautious at the same time…guard my heart, so to speak. Is there a middle ground? Where in Scripture do I find the answers to this? This conflict needs to end!
I want to “let my hair down”. I’m ready to step over the line and throw all sadness and mistrust behind. I’d like to hold my head back and feel free and joyful—to really believe that someone can manifest the love of God for me—and that I can be joyful and positive for the one fact that God loves me unconditionally. I want to love people fully and not care if they reject me. I would like to always see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m ready to be the baby that laughs and picks herself up again when she falls.
I feel like I have to hold back, to protect myself from people who are out to hurt. I cannot fully trust, and am just waiting for more betrayal. I don’t love fully because the love always gets sucked up and I get nothing back (I know…that’s selfish). If I let go…I will get burned, and will I be strong enough to honor Christ? I am a pessimist who knows how selfish we all really are.
I know I want to be passionate and love life, but I don’t know how to do it and be cautious at the same time…guard my heart, so to speak. Is there a middle ground? Where in Scripture do I find the answers to this? This conflict needs to end!
posted by Elizabeth | 2:35 PM
5 Comments:
"What EVER you do ...do it HEartily (fully, as in FULLY engaged, involved) as unto the LORD".
I think God hates half - assedness. He talks about lukewarmness,(and I dont want to be spit out of anyones mouth LOL)... and I relate that to all areas of my life. IF I can't dedicate myself, my cause- my family, my ENERGIES to it..then its not worth doing.
AND...IF you DONT become "fully engaged" in the process, you are ripping yourself and God off because you haven't BEEN totally committed, yep..it sucks..there is a endless circle of commit, not commit or Commit and DO.
When I took the gig iN clinton county..I didn't want to be there in the office.new people noew workers..too much work.....however..FORCING myself to go..I go to know the Clinton COunty "players"...workers etc, and thus became "more connected" AND in doing so it got much easier. You do NOT want to live your life as a Spectator...and I dont think God wants us too either. Take the plunge...decide you WANT to live..attitude is part of it all, and simply DO it..Yes sometimes it CAN be that easy. Follow the path set before you, untill the path changes..THEN its time for another decision or whatever.
But hey..it better than living on the sidelines wondering what it would REALLY be like if we were
in the Game.
Love ya..
You are sooo right. And I'm ready to jump in and run like crazy, I just have to figure out WHAT I want to jump in TO. Because, I agree, half committments are not really committments at all. (Just like committing to be a member of a church--and then running off to another church as soon as it gets rough).
I love you by dearest Beth!!! I can't remember that exact place to find this verse but I believe it is in Hebrews. It tells us that God the Father will not allow us to be plucked from the palm of His hand. We are His and noone else's. Keep your chin up!!
A couple of quotes I thought of...
No one should fear to undertake any task in the name of our Savior, if it is just and if the intention is purely for His holy service.
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS
and From Dr. Jekyll:
"I was no more myself when I laid aside restraint and plunged in shame, than when I laboured, in the eye of the day, and from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, I thus drew stedily nearer to that truth, by whose partial discovery I have been doomed to such a dreadful shipwreck;that man is not TRULY one, But TWO.
good questions...if you figure them out let me know.
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