How to say the things swirling in my head and heart?
Growing pains?
Facing the slow, inevitable death of somebody I think I can’t live without…even though I’ve faced it for years…strength drains from me at the thought.
I knew it would be harder if I came closer. I’ve known that all along. So why did I come closer? Because I can’t get enough…because I want to pour my love into them before it’s too late. I want to soak in their very existence before it’s gone. I feel gypped, getting less time because I am younger. The crazy thing: I get more time with them than anyone else…I sacrifice friends and fun for it.
Reality check: I can’t do anything for them that will slow time down…can’t keep them young or pain-free with my love.
Another reality check: God gave me this “bit of grace”, this “extra time” with them…a special gift just for me.
Reality check 3: The same God who WILL NOT forsake me, will not forsake them, either.
This is something I don’t even feel like I can speak out loud; partly because it hurts too much, partly because there are no words for it, and partly because I don’t know how to describe my “connection” to them. I mean, duh, everybody loves their grandparents. But somehow, I think this is a stronger bond than the normal grandparent/grandchild bond—a two-way relationship meeting needs on both sides.
Years are gone so quickly, even sorrow will be gone so quickly. And, God is good. I truly believe that. I believe that more than death.
Facing the slow, inevitable death of somebody I think I can’t live without…even though I’ve faced it for years…strength drains from me at the thought.
I knew it would be harder if I came closer. I’ve known that all along. So why did I come closer? Because I can’t get enough…because I want to pour my love into them before it’s too late. I want to soak in their very existence before it’s gone. I feel gypped, getting less time because I am younger. The crazy thing: I get more time with them than anyone else…I sacrifice friends and fun for it.
Reality check: I can’t do anything for them that will slow time down…can’t keep them young or pain-free with my love.
Another reality check: God gave me this “bit of grace”, this “extra time” with them…a special gift just for me.
Reality check 3: The same God who WILL NOT forsake me, will not forsake them, either.
This is something I don’t even feel like I can speak out loud; partly because it hurts too much, partly because there are no words for it, and partly because I don’t know how to describe my “connection” to them. I mean, duh, everybody loves their grandparents. But somehow, I think this is a stronger bond than the normal grandparent/grandchild bond—a two-way relationship meeting needs on both sides.
Years are gone so quickly, even sorrow will be gone so quickly. And, God is good. I truly believe that. I believe that more than death.
posted by Elizabeth | 3:34 PM
3 Comments:
I love you, Beth. You're relationship with your grandparents is amazing. Such a gift. I'm glad for you, and say that your hand must say goodbye for a while. I think you know well though, that with your grandparents, it is only your hands that will say goodbye. Your hearts and souls remain in Him now and forever. -Jessie
I love you Beth!!! Tell your grandparents I said hi. I am praying so hard for you. I know how hard it is to watch the ones you love as they age.
Amen, I understand. Amen! I wish more people would vaule their grandparents
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