I SOOOO think this is cute!

The Stillmeadow Road

"Too many people, I think, are what I call No people. It's a habit which grows like Jack's beanstalk, so that if you even say it is cold, they say at once, "No, it isn't cold. It's just the wind." It's a habit I thoroughly dislike, not that I mind being called wrong on every count, but it is fatiguing. I'm tempted to do the contradicting myself first, just to see what would happen. It usually belongs to people, I note, who cannot bear to be contradicted themselves at all."
-Gladys Taber's The Stillmeadow Road

I Married a Man

I realized yesterday that I married a man when he came home from work with a subwoofer the size of a milk crate and hooked it up to the TV.

Definition of a man: somebody who enjoys anything bulky and ugly that plugs in and makes noise.

Angels in Action

Sunday morning. The worship music is in full swing. It's a new song that Luke wrote--and it's praising God. Most of the time I struggle to focus during the music. But, today I'm thinking of God's glory--of the entire world praising Him. I'm praying, "Lord, I want this song to glorify you with mighty power."

I hear a joyful, audible clapping as of hundreds--and it makes my heart swell. Looking around, I see only others like me...just quietly singing. NO ONE IS CLAPPING. I look again to make sure. Nothing. If only I could hear it again, it was so beautiful.

It was angels. I'm sure. God opened my ears for just two seconds to the spiritual world in our own little gym. And in those two seconds I was shown a glimpse of the glory God was receiving. It really was so beautiful.

I asked Luke, after church, if there was any clapping or any technical noises during the song....just to make sure that I wasn't totally misinterpreting the experience. I'm usually the cynic when it comes to visions or "spiritual experiences". He said there wasn't.

This isn't something that I believe will encourage any of my readers. In fact, I struggle a little bit with sharing it. But it is something that has filled me with a sense of wonder and joy as I remember that the spiritual world is a bigger reality than the physical, and that God will recieve the glory, whether we give it to Him or not.

And I just wanted to share my joy. Let's slow down a bit and remember Truth.

Worthy is the Lamb

That was slain for us all

Holy is the Lamb

That was slain for us all

We sing glory, hallelujah

He reigns

I wish...

that I could play music on my blog. That would be fun...and you would always know what kind of mood I'm in!

Walking in the Air

We're walking in the air

We're floating in the moonlit sky

The people far below are sleeping as we fly

I'm holding very tight

I'm riding in the midnight blue

I'm finding I can fly so high above with you

Far across the world

The villages go by like trees

The rivers and the hills

The forest and the streams

Children gaze open mouth

Taken by suprise

Nobody down below believes their eyes

We're surfing in the air

We're swimming in the frozen sky

We're drifting over icy mountains floating by

Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep

Arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep

We're walking in the air

We're floating in the midnight sky

And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly

Walking in the Air by Howard Blake

Victoria Magazine is back!

Hmmm...this is right up there with my Tea Time magazine...and my subscription is ended. Oh dear.

For My Portfolio

Tea and Thoughts

I can't write without a cup of tea or coffee. How funny is that? I'm so full of thoughts and not so sure if I'll be able to put them fluently on this post...but I just might explode if I don't write...just to feel the refreshing click of the keys and drink my masala chai tea with purpose.

I am learning and growing so much, and I wish I could just sweep up all my loved ones and carry them on this journey with me. How can I express all that I desire and bring sufficient glory to God? I cannot...so I beg you to sense the work of our mighty God in my life as I express my small things.

I'm finally learning to lay down my life for others. It's excrutiating, and exhilerating, terrifying, and thrilling. And, it's definitely one of the hardest lessons I've ever learned...truly a battle each day. I must tell you, I often don't choose to fight it. It's ever so much easier to fight for myself...to seek earthly prizes such as beauty and time and money and comfort. But slowly, like each drip of Chinese torture, the Holy Spirit increases my soul's awareness of self...and imprisonment in that great cell. And with each painful drip, my wings of freedom grow stronger. Don't we long for that freedom from indulgent self, and yet carry a paralyzing fear of it through all things? I do, and pray God to conquer the fear each time it arises...it's still very potent.

Jesus is the prize. Do I want it? Wouldn't I rather have the prize of a beautiful heaven, or a perfect marriage, or even a successful Christian life? Ironic isn't it. It seems that in the name of Jesus, we seek prizes apart from Him. And until I realized this...I would have been sorely disappointed in the reality of it. Perhaps my vibrant imagination makes it easier for me to love Jesus and want Him, only Him...for that is what we are supposed to want. But in our humanity...Jesus is a two-thousand year old icon of all that we seek and love. Even as we are called to love a great many things, we are also called to love only Jesus. When it hit me that I was seeking the wrong prizes (and still do very easily), I opened up Matthew and began to read slowly and very very carefully...for who is the Jesus that I am supposed to want above anything else? My wings gain yet a little more strength to fly as I begin to see the answer!

My next little thought: how deeply I nurture my doubts and discouragements and "self needs". Discouragement has to be one of the greatest detriments to Christianity...and one of the most accepted. I have incredibly strong habits of wavering emotions and feelings. And I am convicted that this is not a testimony to Christ...but of my unbelief in His ability to bring me peace and joy. And if that is true...I serve a very weak Christ. My awareness has been awakened to how completely I have been taken in by the lie that it is okay to be grumpy, hormonal, depressed, distressed, anxious, cynicle, or any list of discouragements...as long as I have an excuse for it! But how opposite that is to our Biblical example. We have NO excuse if Jesus is our future. And we have no right to claim Christ as ours if we are not going to act like it makes a difference.

I cannot say all this without making reference to my marriage. Marriage has made me so aware of my misconceptions and even lies I believe. Some of you who know me well, know that I adore my husband so totally and have had such a great fear of "messing up", that I have constantly tried to find ways to make sure that he would never feel hurt or lost love or any excuse to be less tender towards me. After a year of clinging and focusing on Luke and on "us" and on messing up a lot, I am finally getting my answer. My answer is that it isn't about Luke, it isn't about "us", it isn't about our sweet, tender marriage. It's about people, about Christ, about sacrifice. And the more I give up my own dreams and ideals and solutions, the more I bring my husband joy and honor...and the more he responds! And one critical thing I have learned, is that I absolutely must focus on others. I cannot afford to sit at home in loneliness and dwell on myself...for that is my very invitation to believe dark lies. Some of you will say that you do not have anybody to focus on. That is not true. If you have a neighbor or a relative or a single mom at church, you have someone to reach out to. And take it from a very shy person, you can find the courage to make that introduction and phone call.

Can I be terribly risky here? I really want to encourage some of my friends (who hopefully will read this). I have been praying for you...and I just want you to know.

JoyAnna, I am praying that you will find unwavering peace and joy in Christ, and that His love and fulfillment will fill every crevice of your beautiful, passionate soul. I love you dear!

Sara, I am praying that you will choose to find joy in all things, that you will have the confidence to be an incredibly godly wife, and that you will seek for those who need your wisdom and encouragement...I believe they are waiting for you.

Luke, I just love you! And I'm praying that you will grow ever stronger in the power of God.

Jenny, I am waiting for God to set your heart on fire. And I can't begin to express my excitement for what will happen when He does!

Mama, a lot of women are watching you and learning from you. I pray that God will "increase your harvest" and that you will have unexplainable joy!