Update
I'm going to give in and give an update, because it seems like the creativity will not come back until all the "life" stuff is off my mind.
It's been a long couple of weeks for me. Work has been putting a lot of pressure on me...fairly unsurprising for a Real Estate company in the middle of a bad market year. I've worked hard the last few weeks...even harder than before, and I think I have proved my worth-but the pressure is still there. This is probably the biggest reason I haven't blogged much...my mind is taken up with my job.
Luke has been very sick--and I have been doing all I can to take care of him just the way I would want if it were me (I find that I'm better at taking care of my husband when I imagine it's me in his place). I truly love taking care of him (it is, in fact, a lot of fun!)...but I must say I'm feeling sortof drained.
Luke's grandpa died this week. Yesterday was the funeral and the day before was the visitation. I had a harder time with it than I ever thought I would. Emotionally, I just feel so tired and thin. I wanted to be steadfast, peaceful, and strong for my husband...in order to comfort him rather than be a burden. I think for the most part, I did okay...but inside I just wanted to cry for hours...and still could with just a little something to push me over the edge. I'm not sure why it was so hard for me, except that I hate to see people hurting. I have such a vivid imagination...and when things happen...I cannot help connecting them to so many other things. I cannot help thinking of Grandma Strahan all alone after 60 years with a loving man at her side. I think of my father-in-law without a father. I think of my husband and sister-in-law and brother-in-law without their dear grandpa. And what makes it hardest...is that I can't help thinking that sooner or later I will lose my own grandpa. And then I will lose my dad. And then I will lose my husband. I know it's terribly pessimistic...terribly cynicle and gloomy. I keep telling myself that God gives us the strength to face those things only when we have to face them...and it does help me to let it go. I'm certainly doing better now that the funeral and everything is over. But I'm tired. I'm tired emotionally and I'm tired physically. And all the while my poor husband is at home sick in bed.
My sister-in-law is in the hospital...may possibly lose a baby. She has three sweet little boys (my nephews!). So now I have offered to make some meals to help them out. I'm very glad to help--really want to show them my love. I'm going to need God's strength to do it, though. I'm not a great or efficient cook. I also am so tired and can't possibly hope for my husband to help (he would--he is just too sick). Thinking about all that cooking is making me want to cry again. Silly me...sometimes I wish I were a man so that I would not get so weepy so easily.
Anyway, if you read this, I'd love for you to pray for me. I plan to be cheerful, smiley, a good wife, and good aunt and sister-in-law, a good office manager, and spirit-filled through it all. And no weepiness!
On the bright side...I decorated for Christmas!!! I know, you are probably all shocked that I didn't follow the traditional rule of decorating after Thanksgiving...but I couldn't help it. I just absolutely love this time of year and want it to last as long as possible. I went to Hobby Lobby with Grandma and got some beautiful trimmings for the apartment...but it was sortof pricey. I went home so guilty and afraid that my husband would be frustrated with my spending the money. Of course...he didn't think twice about telling me it was all wonderful and to not even think of returning it. (How I love him!)
I went to the store last week and got free weights, a yoga mat, and an excercise movie. I'm determined to get back in shape (sitting in an office has made me kindof wimpy). So now I just have to hope that life slows down enough for me to start in on it...it seems like every time I plan to do something, everything gets busy.
Okay, now you know all the details of my life for the day. I can't imagine there is another thing I can tell you about...except maybe the flat tire, but I'll leave that alone.
It's been a long couple of weeks for me. Work has been putting a lot of pressure on me...fairly unsurprising for a Real Estate company in the middle of a bad market year. I've worked hard the last few weeks...even harder than before, and I think I have proved my worth-but the pressure is still there. This is probably the biggest reason I haven't blogged much...my mind is taken up with my job.
Luke has been very sick--and I have been doing all I can to take care of him just the way I would want if it were me (I find that I'm better at taking care of my husband when I imagine it's me in his place). I truly love taking care of him (it is, in fact, a lot of fun!)...but I must say I'm feeling sortof drained.
Luke's grandpa died this week. Yesterday was the funeral and the day before was the visitation. I had a harder time with it than I ever thought I would. Emotionally, I just feel so tired and thin. I wanted to be steadfast, peaceful, and strong for my husband...in order to comfort him rather than be a burden. I think for the most part, I did okay...but inside I just wanted to cry for hours...and still could with just a little something to push me over the edge. I'm not sure why it was so hard for me, except that I hate to see people hurting. I have such a vivid imagination...and when things happen...I cannot help connecting them to so many other things. I cannot help thinking of Grandma Strahan all alone after 60 years with a loving man at her side. I think of my father-in-law without a father. I think of my husband and sister-in-law and brother-in-law without their dear grandpa. And what makes it hardest...is that I can't help thinking that sooner or later I will lose my own grandpa. And then I will lose my dad. And then I will lose my husband. I know it's terribly pessimistic...terribly cynicle and gloomy. I keep telling myself that God gives us the strength to face those things only when we have to face them...and it does help me to let it go. I'm certainly doing better now that the funeral and everything is over. But I'm tired. I'm tired emotionally and I'm tired physically. And all the while my poor husband is at home sick in bed.
My sister-in-law is in the hospital...may possibly lose a baby. She has three sweet little boys (my nephews!). So now I have offered to make some meals to help them out. I'm very glad to help--really want to show them my love. I'm going to need God's strength to do it, though. I'm not a great or efficient cook. I also am so tired and can't possibly hope for my husband to help (he would--he is just too sick). Thinking about all that cooking is making me want to cry again. Silly me...sometimes I wish I were a man so that I would not get so weepy so easily.
Anyway, if you read this, I'd love for you to pray for me. I plan to be cheerful, smiley, a good wife, and good aunt and sister-in-law, a good office manager, and spirit-filled through it all. And no weepiness!
On the bright side...I decorated for Christmas!!! I know, you are probably all shocked that I didn't follow the traditional rule of decorating after Thanksgiving...but I couldn't help it. I just absolutely love this time of year and want it to last as long as possible. I went to Hobby Lobby with Grandma and got some beautiful trimmings for the apartment...but it was sortof pricey. I went home so guilty and afraid that my husband would be frustrated with my spending the money. Of course...he didn't think twice about telling me it was all wonderful and to not even think of returning it. (How I love him!)
I went to the store last week and got free weights, a yoga mat, and an excercise movie. I'm determined to get back in shape (sitting in an office has made me kindof wimpy). So now I just have to hope that life slows down enough for me to start in on it...it seems like every time I plan to do something, everything gets busy.
Okay, now you know all the details of my life for the day. I can't imagine there is another thing I can tell you about...except maybe the flat tire, but I'll leave that alone.
posted by Elizabeth | 8:57 AM
5 Comments:
Wow...that IS a lot going on. No wonder you're weepy!
I remember feeling terrified for literally years about losing Robb. I had never been so happy before and I just felt like it could slip away at any moment as easily as it had come to me. It was an episode of Dr. Phil of all things (yeah, All truth is God's Truth!) that helped me to relax. It was only my happiness that made sadness seem imminent.
keep those meals simple...if they have kids...mac and cheese all the way girl. You don't have to be a chef to meet the needs of kids. ALWAYS KISS: Keep It Simple Sweetie.
You are doing great, just in case somebody forgets to tell you that.
I love you Beth and am keeping you and Luke constantly in my prayers. I got my hair cut! And as for getting in shape...YOU CAN DO IT!!!! I am joining the Pentagon gym today and next week I start a training regeim with a friend. She is a dancer and is going to help me get back to my slim pre-college graduation body!. I can't wait.
I feel better today...but now I think I may be getting sick (I most definitely can't take work off...so I'm hoping I can be sick on the weekend :)
I will be praying.
What a trying time for you. It would drain anyone. About losing our loved ones, I like to remember that most of what we fear never comes to pass. The rapture may come anytime now and we will all be spared death. And, we don't like to think of death but sometimes the aged person is set free from physical handicaps. I try to think of thses things because I know when death comes it breaks our hearts but our God puts the pieces back together again and out of every tragedy comes spiritial growth for a believer whose heart is turned toward his or her God. and God said.."I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." I have always found him close to me in every trial. About the meals, I'm with you here too. I'm not a great cook, in fact dislike cooking really. I do simple things like bags of stirfry veggies, ready to add boiled and chopped chicken to and serve over rice with store bags of salad. Zataran rice with chicken boiled seperately and added later. Mac & Cheese & any meat. Hot sausage browned on both sides..5 min.each side and then add a jar of spag.sauce, chopped onion and a sm. can of drained mushrooms. simmer for another 10 minutes and serve with Pepperidge Farm garlic bread...yum! The Lord bless you for your willing heart and I hope soon all will be right in your world...sickness all gone & sunshine on your shoulders again.
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