Home for the Holidays...

Yup, that's me...I'm home :) Every time I whine about having too much to do...Luke just says, "well, why don't you just take the day off work today..." That sure shuts me up!!! (If you don't get it...I am not working any more).

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the new Christmases I have to attend this year. Luke and I are celebrating together tomorrow night, then we have Christmas in Kansas City with his Grandma and the Strahan side of the family, then we have Christmas at my grandma's with the Powers family, then we have Christmas with Luke's other Grandparents and his mom's side of the family, then we have Christmas with Luke's immediate family (and their immediate families). Yikes! I just never had these kind of holidays because my relatives and grandparents and everybody were too far away. So...deep breath!

Here are some random pictures. Luke bought me the old window pane at an antique shop last weekend because I just fell in love with it. I helped Grandma put together jars of cookie mix to give all the relatives for Christmas...I think they look pretty. And the other picture is just me and Luke have fun watching a movie, eating yummy food, and working a puzzle.

Just for Practice

This one's just for practice. I definitely need to practice if I'm ever going to improve...oh dear...somehow, I seem to get painter's block as easily as I get writer's block!

This Cup Makes Me Smile!

I have been reading a novel and drinking tea...guilt free :)

Time

I'm realizing that I like to have a schedule...like to have certain things that I do at certain times. So, to begin with, I'm going to Grandma's three days a week to help clean the house and just be an encouragement. When I wrote the last post, I was struggling to see a purpose in not working, but now, I see that God may have done that so that I could take care of Grandma and Grandpa. I also see how much of a relief it will be for Luke to not come home and have to help me with laundry and dishes and cleaning (we had to pitch in equally when we were both working full-time). I will be joining a ladie's Bible study starting next week, and Josh is moving out here, so I'm sure I'll spend some time getting him adjusted to Ankeny. Oh...and I went to the library and got a library card (I know...pitiful...I've been here for almost 15 months). I haven't started working out yet...but I just need a couple "ugly" days to motivate me :)

Most of all, I need to start believing in what God sees in me. I tend to be so concerned about what others think. I worry that my single friends will be tempted to feel jealous, and will avoid me. Some will look down on me for not bringing in a perfectly good income (I could-I've already had another job offer-but it seems like God took me out of work for a reason). I worry that Luke (and I want to make it very clear that this is in my mind...is not at all the reality) will not respect me the same as he did when I worked so hard to get dinner and keep the house clean while working full-time. But what I need to focus on, is that God loves me and loves the time that I can now spend with Him each day. He loves my little paintings and my blogging. He sees my worth. And that should be enough to keep me content with this great gift He's given me.

Adjusting

I'm finding it difficult to adjust to having so much time...all the time I want. It's not that I don't have plenty to do: I can paint and draw and write and visit Grandma and work out and even clean the bathroom...again. It's just that there's this mixture of emotions that keep popping up at every turn. Sure, part of it could be pms...but I think it is mostly that I'm in a new stage of life that I've never been in before-and I don't quite know what to do with myself. I don't actually want to sit at home all day...unless I have a good book (which I'm not willing to spend the money on). If I had a good book, I'd probably feel guilty sitting around reading it. I thought about doing the Vanessa thing and shopping for stuff to sell on ebay...but I don't think Luke would appreciate the extra clutter in our little apartment.

Yeah...guilt. I feel guilt a lot right now. I feel guilt when I don't have the entire apartment spotless by 8:00 am. I feel guilty when I haven't run the errands I said I would run. I feel guilty when I run the errands and spend an extra four dollars on a yummy candle for the kitchen. I feel guilty for wishing I could just go to the coffee shop to write and drink coffee. I feel guilty for feeling guilty! It's not that I miss work...talk about relief! But in a way, I do. I've always found a sort of pride in being a student, being an administrative assistant, being an office manager. Now I'm a housewife...what I always wanted!!! And I'm not feeling much pride in it. I suppose I'm just going through the first days of shock...and once everything becomes routine...I'll be fine.

I will say one thing this time has given me...time for God. I confess, I really struggled to find any time for Him while I was working full-time. Now, I can spend a good couple hours every morning reading His word and praying. It feels like my soul was just drying up...starving for food and thirsting for water. I kept begging God to help me find the time for Him...the time to nourish my soul. And He did. How much He must love me! I mean, even though I kept asking Him to help me with this...what I really thought was that I had to be tougher, and prove that He was more important than the things that were keeping me busy. I thought God would stand back and say, come on, honey, you can do better than this! And instead, He gently took the busyness away, and handed me my Bible and a cup of tea!

So, now, after that big long post about how I'm struggling to adjust, I feel guilty for writing it, because as I look at that last sentence, I see a great gift from God. I just need to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to use the gift. I hope my husband can patiently bear with me in my fumbling and awkward efforts to feel out this new way of life. :)

New Hobby!

I figured out how to put cool pictures (or ads in this case) on wood and make them really shabby chic looking! These are my first two--and I'll definitely improve with practice--they are of soap ads from a 1905 Cosmopolitan Magazie.

After a Couple Days to Take it in...

That was a shock, huh? I guess in Iowa, employers can legally fire someone with no notice, no severence, and no reason. Well, at least my employer felt bad enough about it to give me severence and a reason. So...how am I doing? Fairly well, actually. I certainly have had some moments of anger/bitterness. I mean, you've got to admit it is pretty humiliating to lose a job when you are really doing your best. And it's even harder when the woman taking my job was the same one that left it (in disarray I might add) before I was hired. But all the nasty business politics aside, I can honestly say that God did this for me. When my husband found out, he was all love and kindness. And I am making the most of my free time...in fact, I think I'm working harder than I was at work :) I have all kinds of project I want to do, and am so enjoying having time to make meals for Luke. I've had Grandma over for morning tea, done all the laundry, worked on some crafts, cooked, cleaned, etc. So...I choose to not worry over the finances but instead to live one wonderful day at a time.